Let’s make positivity cool again
Negativity is easy. Negativity is an excuse. Negativity is a weapon. It shouldn’t be cool.
Polarity.
You can be either positive, or negative.
My last year of elementary school was in 6th grade. When I started 7th grade, the school district I was in built a new Junior High School (what most call “Middle School” now). My 7th grade was essentially at double capacity, so I only went to class in the afternoons as they built the new school. My parents both worked, so in the mornings I formed a soap-opera watching habit. All My Children was my favorite. Weird, in hindsight.
As the new school was close to completion, my class visited for a tour. The school was built partly underground, and (for the time) was a marvel of energy efficiency. It was really a beautiful, modern school with lots of light.
I was really excited about this. As we walked through, the administrators and teachers described all the design features and advancements. I would ask questions, and said repeatedly “that is so cool!”
I didn’t notice at first, but my friends were embarrassed by this, and started to “shush” me. “Be cool, man” they would say.
Then the people behind me started making fun of me. “What a dork!”
In high school, my friends would make fun of the way I walked through the halls– because I always had a smile on my face.
Positivity is not always cool.
The lesson was clear. It wasn’t cool to be positive, particularly about certain things.
I didn’t even realize how much I internalized this lesson.
Cut to my sophomore year in college at Colorado. Driving up with a great friend to Vail in my 1981 CJ–5. Heater blaring and barely keeping us warm. Radio blasting. Life is pretty great.
We’re talking along the way. Out of nowhere he gets kinda serious and tells me “you know, you shouldn’t be so negative all the time.”
This totally threw me for a loop. I had no idea I was negative. Luckily this feedback came from him. He’s the kind of person who was always brutally honest, but not in a hurtful way. An engineering major, I think he just identified problems and addressed them directly.
This had a huge impact on me.
Negativity is a weapon.
I didn’t realize how much I let the world around me pull me down. I used humor as a way to deal with things. I developed advanced skills in sarcasm, irony and parody. I made of fun of things, of people. I did it when I felt uncomfortable. I did it when I was in a new situation. Or when I wanted to be liked. But also, when I felt defensive or hurt, I would use it as a weapon. A way of fighting back.
It’s easy to be negative. There are all kinds of things to make fun of, to ridicule, to poke holes at. We see this every day on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. So many people look for things to make fun of, to criticize. They desperately want to point out what’s wrong.
Negativity is an incredibly powerful bonding agent.
For whatever reason, it can be in our nature to bring people down. Negativity is also an incredibly powerful bonding agent. It’s easy to create a pack mentality by creating a common enemy.
People can be drawn to those who attempt to lead with negativity. These “leaders” create a false aura of superiority. Those who point out everything that is wrong “must know something we don’t.” The problem is, if they really knew something, they would provide a better alternative. If they were really “leaders” they would actually change what they think is wrong, instead of just complaining about it.
Negativity kills progress.
It’s easy to point out what’s wrong. Doing so doesn’t solve the problem being pointed out.
If you don’t like someone’s idea, way of working, or point of view- offer an alternative. Engage in healthy debate. Move the human race forward by discovering new solutions. Together. That actually happens when opposing points of view engage in discourse.
Stop complaining and offer an alternative point of view. If you don’t want to offer your alternative point of view, then you basically have two choices. Accept the situation. Or leave it.
Stop complaining. Change it. Accept it. Or leave it.
Our company is in the business of moving other people’s businesses forward. Our product is ideas. Our process is creativity.
Negativity kills creativity, which limits ideas, which hampers our ability to effectively run a business.
Negativity kills culture, which also limit ideas and absolutely hampers our ability to run a business.
Negativity kills relationships, which is the foundation of everything.
If you look for the positive, you’ll find it.
One of my favorite proverbs (not that know a lot of proverbs) goes something like this:
A stranger walks into a village. The village elder is there to greet him. The elder welcomes him and then asks “I’m curious. Why did you come to our village?”
The stranger answers. “I came from a terrible place. My old village was filled with horrible people. The elders knew nothing about how to run a village. No one there cared about me. They never helped me do anything, and were only out for themselves. So I decided to come here.”
The village elder thought for a minute and replied. “Well, I am sorry to tell you that you’ll find exactly the same thing here. You’ll see that the people don’t care about you and that the elders have no idea how to run a village. You’re welcome to stay, but unfortunately it will be no different than your last village.”
Sometime later another stranger walks into the village. The village elder welcomes her, and asks “I’m curious. Why did you come to our village?”
This stranger answers. “I came from a wonderful place. My old village was filled with incredible people. The elders were wise and the people were friendly and truly cared for each other. It was very hard to leave, but I wanted a new adventure.”
The elder thought for a minute and replied. “Well, I am happy to tell you that you’ll find exactly the same thing here. You’ll see that the people truly care for each other and the elders are wise.”
“I am so happy to welcome you to our village.”
About me: I’m a Partner/Creative Director at Teak in San Francisco. I’m from Colorado, moved to Chicago for 8 years then settled down in San Anselmo, California (the birthplace of mountain biking) with my wife to raise two amazing kids. I’m a huge fan of the Chicago Cubs, Denver Broncos and Peet’s Coffee.
